TONIGHT: The Great British Bake Off FINAL is happening.

Posted on October 22, 2013 by


It’s been a BRILLIANT series. The COOLEST yet. And Howard should never have left – but here we are, hours away from the final in which Ruby, Kimberley and Frances will wrestle naked for the title. If only!

Perhaps not the most exciting trio – that would have been Frances, Howard and Toby. Remember Toby? He nearly bled to death in the first episode. And when Mel said he was out, he didn’t look in the slightest bit peeved.

Howard, on the other hand, well, he lost everything that day. Little turtle. Rumour has it, (it was actually in the Telegraph) since he left he’s been sending the remaining contestants jars of marmalade to have with their breakfast each morning. Howard if you’re reading this – would you like to go away with me for a few days? Bournemouth? Cornwall? As long as we’re together.

It’s been edited ever so cleverly – making Kimberley out to be the hated, annoying head girl type, desperate to come across as a pro, more knowledgable than the others and OBSESSED with prosciutto. She’s a Psychologist in non baking life so can’t be that mental. Ahem.

Ruby’s suicidal facial expressions were almost too irritating for the telly to stay on at times. Though credit to her, that denim jacket stayed on. Whatever the weather – the girl didn’t break a sweat, and her incredible complexion stayed even throughout. For that I salute you Ruby, you sexy thing. Even though you are a miserable wench. SMILE BEB! YOU’VE JUST WON STAR BAKER TEN TIMES. NO?

But, for EIC, it’s Frances who’s been edited the best. Rather – Frances IS the best. She may bake bland, flavourless bakes, but shitzzzzzzers do they look good. She’s actually a designer – did you know that? For children’s brand Joules? How twee is that!? It’s her cheeky, defiant grin when Paul asks her: ‘will this taste nice though, Frances?’ because she’s already shaking her head, giggling, ‘nooooooo, probably not!’ hahahahaha , and it never does. So at least she’s not lying.


Sadly, though, deep down, we all know Frances can’t win. My money is in fact on Ruby because, let’s face it, Paul wants to wrestle her naked, alone, in a caravan, on a hard shoulder somewhere just off the M1.
Anyway, I’ll be tweeting from @kittyburnetts like a bird that has literally entered a laptop, and become some sort of digitised Robin. See you there!!!

ps. I’d like to take a moment to thank Mel and Sue who have been funnier this series, than any other series I have ever watched on television. All those sexual innuendos. And, apparently, swearing in front of the cameras to make footage unusable to save the embarrassment of contestants in tears. Shall miss you.

pps. Becca, blow your nose love.

Posted in: COOL