COOL: Facebook will speed up your divorce

Posted on March 3, 2011 by


… because Facebook is a social utility that helps you to communicate copulate with others!

According to a study, Facebook is cited in 1 out of every 5 divorces in the United States.

This doesn’t mean people are literally having affairs with Facebook  – ugh, what a mess – but using it to find other, more interesting, sexier individuals to cheat on their spouses with.  Is the world shocked by these stats? Nope. Keep ’em coming.

81% – WHICH IS A LOT YES-  of the country’s top divorce lawyers say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years.

Trust the Americans to be first in the honesty line. This proves one thing and one thing only. That marriages in britain must have been affected too but we’re too proud to admit it; that Facebook, which is more famous than chocolate and the word ‘yes’, can have this effect.
It’s a double-edged sword. Do we curse Zuckerberg or thank him?

Facebook is the primary source for online divorce evidence which means people are CONDUCTING AFFAIRS on Facebook. Gone are the days of hiring private detectives to take photos of him getting in to her car, her leaving his house, him with lipstick on his collar etc. Facebook is now the number one place to check for dodgy wall posts and private messages.  New research proves that since the dawn of Facebook, one of the top 3 ways to tell if your partner is cheating on you is if he’s still glued to facebook when you’re stood naked in front of him. Harsh.

Let us enter the mind of a married thirty-something woman (notice I’m not sexist) to see how such falls from grace can occur.

1.) Facebook. What is this Facebook?

2.) No way, it’s Frank Finkelschplatz! I never did get a crack at that tuchus.

3.) “Hey Frank, remember me?!…”

4.) I’ll send him a pic of me in my nightie so he can see I’m not as fat as I used to be. Oh and my new tits.And teeth

5.) “Frankie, my work email is …. let’s chat on there because I can’t be seen on FB at work!”

6.) “So good to see you. I still have one of your pubes in my teeth. Those bloody teeth!”

7.) “Saw my doc today. He says I’m hurting my brain by having an affair with you.”

8.) “hello…?”

… and before you know it, she’s gone mental, walked away from her laptop still logged in to Facebook and BAM!

Perhaps Zuckerberg has done everyone a favour. Without Facebook people would continue to live in ignorance and while there may be pros and cons to this, personally, I would prefer to know if I was being cheated on. At least I’d have a chance at meeting someone who uses Facebook the boring way.

Posted in: COOL