UNCOOL: SAGA (you kill me Saga)

Posted on January 28, 2014 by


Sofia Helin as Saga Noren in The Bridge

Eight episodes in, 20 murders still unsolved, and I couldn’t give a septic toss  who done it…

I’m far more interested in Saga.

These days, most nights, I’m pulling my hair out  shouting at the telly: “SAGA. WHAT IN DESIGNER DANISH FURNITURE’S FANNY IS WRONG WITH YOU?????????”

She’s the most interesting, sociopathic female detective on TV, and I for one now need her to snap out of it. Even though I love that she is essentially, an empowered girl robot with  hair, her lack of empathy is taking its toll on my enjoyment of the show, and therefore my life.

The writers have always left it open as to whether Saga has Aspergers or not. This is good because if they do what I hope they’ll do ( in this series or Series 3) it may be that with Martin’s help Saga seeks therapy for her Terminator Complex (that’s what we’re calling it in my house) and manages to sort her shit out. For those of you who’ve no idea what I’m talking about, Saga is the female leading detective in Danish crime series, The Bridge, and if the latest few episodes are anything to go by, seriously damaged goods. Amazing as she is, she’s increasingly infuriating to watch because of the following –

– Her persistence at solving crimes can be likened  only to that of automated machinery such as tyre crushing units or steam rollers or perhaps even a souped-up version of one of those Mr Mecnov windmills people used to attached to their garden fences in the 80s just to annoy their neighbours. No better example of this  is when Saga approaches relatives of murder victims 2 minutes after they’ve been given the bad news, to ask things like – “was your daughter a whore?” and “Could this all be your fault?” Edgy as this sounds, I want to jump inside the TV and remove her. STOP IT SA-GA.

– Saga has a habit of slapping unconscious people round the face repeatedly as they’re being carried away on stretchers, into ambulances to die, usually. Not because she’s angry with them (Saga was born without anger) it’s because she wants to question them. SA-GA. As the Paramedics tell her every time, you can’t question people who are unconscious! “Can’t you wake her up?” she asks, in Danish, eyebrows flared, face mad. “COURSE WE CAN’T YOU IDIOT!” the Paramedics NEVER say. Why the fuck not? In fact, none of her colleagues or superiors give rise to any of her ridiculous behaviour apart from poor old Rasmus, the  seemingly feminist hate figure of this series. I want to jump inside the TV , shield the dying people and slap Saga round the face repeatedly till she stops being such a twathead.

– One of the most laughable and perhaps unrealistic aspects of this series is Saga’s relationship with long-suffering  boyfriend, Jakob. Early on, we get a sense that Jakob is more into Saga than she is him when he moves into her flat and in her epically bemused way, she asks him why he can’t just FUCK OFF back to his own flat. That should really be enough for a “why you so mean?” moment, but after 12 weeks of no contact because Saga has  run away from Jakob to live in a hotel, the idiot still wants to clink glasses over their 9 month anniversary when she comes home to change her knickers. “You want to celebrate every month now?” she asks, without irony. “Not every month no. Cuppa tea?” he says chirpily. Ugh, Jakob get the messsssage. She’s MAD.

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Will Saga ever wake up from this twat coma? And when she does, will she  discover she’s madly in love with Martin???And after that will she end up murdering Martin’s inevitable new stalker, Pernille????? Probably not, no.

Posted in: UNCOOL