Words: James Clarke
OK so I think I’ve got most of the speech finished at last (Arghhh!!!). I’ve done away with the old “Friends, Romans” opening but decided to keep the bit about the sandpaper paddling. Father tells me that “a proper blast from the past and a bit of a laugh” always goes down well so I thought a few japes from school might serve.
Wills told me I could “write whatever I fucking well wanted” so I thought to heck with it. I BBM’d some of the old lot for some tales (old Nicky Knatchbull told me a few rum stories that made my hair stand on end (even more so than usual HA HA HA!!!) that I’ve fairly pilfered. I just know they’ll bring the palace down and I’m so ruddy well looking forward to it.
Wills seems very relaxed about the whole thing I must say. There’s so much merch around; he’s everywhere I look! I’m not jealous or anything but it must be nice musn’t it? There are some really lovely plates and mugs available and they’ve managed to capture Kates smile and made the most of Will’s tremendous golden mane on nearly all of them. I especially like the flags with their faces on. SUCH an original touch.
As for me, gosh, I must admit it’s nice not being the absolute centre of attention (for once!!!!) and I love letting Will have his five mins, but in recent weeks it’s been a bit MUCH at times (even more so than normal!!!). I know the public likes to know what we’re up to but it’s FULL on this time; even the chaps at Mahiki’s were flapping and quizzing me. Cousin Freddy was fishing to know which of my fancy dress costumes I’ll be wearing at the reception but there’s NO WAY I was going to tell him…it’s a surprise! (Lets just say that Wills and Grandma won’t know WHERE to look– it was Grandpa Phil’s idea, he’s really good at that sort of thing, we had a RIGHT laugh drawing up the shortlist!!!).
Everywhere I go everyone wants to know about Kate and Pippa’s dresses and Mum’s ring (insensitive???). It almost stops me going out on the tiles at all (…ALMOST…HA HA!!!). People are just mad about it aren’t they??? The Americans have even made a FILM (which I must admit, I’m rather looking forward to seeing…Will and Kate the movie…GOOD GRIEF!!!!). Americans. Can you imagine if they had a Royal wedding??? I doubt it would be anything close to the discreet shindig we’re putting on.
Basically it’s all very flattering (especially to Will as age isn’t being nice to him since he hit the big 2-8!!!). It’s nice to see that ‘The People’ genuinely look up to us and they see that we’re not just some massive novelty. I’m going to give them a proper thanking on the big day, I do hope they like it.
All in all, everyone in England, Wales, Scotland and especially Ireland is happy. And to all the people being mean about us I say HEY guys! We’ve given you a bank holiday and stacks of street parties!!!..Let’s saddle up and get stuck in!!! People say we shouldn’t be spending money on a big ceremony and that there’s a recession on but cor let’s all have a bit of fun!!! Lets face it money doesn’t matter in the real world!!!
And if Aunt Sarah can go bankrupt and still let her hair down then we all can.