UNCOOL: Rihanna’s critics

Posted on November 6, 2011 by


Originally posted on MTV Voices here 

In this nonsensical world where some unfortunate people will never grasp how to operate self service tills, you want to take away the beauty and jade the meaning of a Rihanna vid? Not on my watch. And I am watching.

My name is Katie Burnetts and I am a Rihanna fan. But, believe it or not, I won’t be using my day off tomorrow to find a Chris Brown look-alike to create scenes of ‘rape’ or ‘domestic violence’ with. That’s because a) the guy in Rihanna’s latest vid for We Found Love looks more like Ashley Cole than Chris Brown and, b) I am a normal person and capable of supporting Rihanna as an artist without misinterpreting her messages and subsequently causing physical and mental damage to myself. And I think that tends to be the case for most people who follow her music and watch her videos.

No, today, I’ll be making calls about eye surgery as, apparently, I’m blind. Because I fail to see how her latest offering of well directed, highly stimulating supporting material depicts rape, violence, murder, manslaughter, slander, bum-flicks, Chinese burns, jarred-farts or anything else besides a normal relaysh.shun.ship. Here is a sensible précis of what happens:

He’s a guy, she’s a world’ famous R’n’B singer. They go to a couple of rowdy parties together and have a really nice time. He teaches her how to roller-skate – she looks cute on wheels – neither wears a helmet but –hey- Lupe Fiasco did it in that vid for that tune and no-one batted an eyelid. She necks a bottle of beer on a beach as he lights a firework in celebration of their love – vaguely hazardous if he’s not a trained fire-worker, but not quite rape.

Over the coming weeks this danger loving pair partake in several activities including a bicycle ride [oooooh] a trip to the chippie [mind the bones!] and a jaunt to the localmini-market where they try very hard to focus on stocking up on essential groceries but end up removing the lids of fizzy drinks and squirting each other with the contents. I can only assume that this is the sickening display of ‘domestic violence’ critics are referring to in the video.

That their relationship after that goes from being a twenty-times-shaken bottle of Iron-Bru to a depressing puddle of de-hydrated piss, is simply part and parcel of going to the mini-market for the first time with the guy you fancy. How you’re meant to keep the candle burning after buying bog roll together is beyond me. In fact, my boyfriend and I suffered similar problems after our first house shop together. I’m really glad Rihanna flags this issue, as it’s the only one I can see worth mentioning.

Yeah, we thought chain smoking would relight the fire. Drank a hell of a lot of booze – jeez, we even bought a DIY tattoo kit too. How I’m gonna get ‘it’s all gone to shit’ removed from my kneecap I don’t know!

But all those sour attempts to resuscitate our relationship were in vain – JUST LIKE IN THE VIDEO – because of course the only way to spice things up when things get dull is to have sex in a filthy bathtub, and all will be well again.

But rape? Where? Violence? Stoppppit. And if you’ve got a problem with the bits where they take drugs and spin around –it’s paracetomal, OK?!

Check out the video for yourselves right here – and let us know what YOU think…

Posted in: COOL