SCANDO,SCANDO,SCANDO, I made you out of CLAAAAY!
Gosh, sorry. Had to get that out of my system, because I am Mr. Scandinavia – its biggest fan. Its number one supporter. A total Scando-buff!
Beliebers ain’t got nothing on me when it comes to my love of the North. I grew up in Norway, you see. As a child I’d frolic in the lush, green hills overlooking papa’s fjord, my fair-haired elven brothers helping mama make her Jarslberg, the national anthem etched into my very … pleugh.
OK, fine. I spent two years there doing my postgrad, whatever. Sheesh.
And I love it all. The Killing – check. Borgen – check. Röyksopp, Kings of Convenience and Ane Brun – check, checkity CHECK!
But The Bridge, the latest Scandinavian crime drama to debut on BBC4 last weekend, went TOO FAR. It felt poorly acted, pretty clichéd and the dialogue was clunkerific. Oh, and there were some heinous camera shots thrown in to boot. Filming scenes from behind the doorway?! On what planet is that cool?? Planet ‘Yeah Right?!’ that’s where.
The story-ish: the body of a politician is found in the middle of the bridge connecting Denmark and Sweden. Like right in the middle. On the border line. Legs in Denmark. Torso in Sweden. Half in one. Half in the other.
Got it? Good, ‘cos the show made a point of repeatedly HAMMERing this home.
Two jurisdictions mean there’s two detectives on the case: a tubby, chuckling Danish man and a Swedish blonde woman with, I guess, Asperger’s? They don’t like each other. The rest is an unfolding opera of cross-cultural acceptance and lazy-cop-shockingly-awkward-cop.
All crime dramas are a little clichéd, that’s why we love ’em: detectives with no social abilities but incredible powers of observation and reasoning – yes please! But The Bridge‘s gal was just a bit much: she was brutal to the bereaved and apparently has a phobia of scrunchies and/or crocodile clips to tie back that ratty detective hair.
I mean, how are you ever going to solve crime with hair dipping in and out of evidence samples and gaping flesh wounds?!
There was something about the side characters too. Most of them looked like they’d walked off the set of a 70s porn flick. The acting is that bad.
Oh well. Not everything that comes out of Scandiland will be huh-mazing. If you like trashy TV, give The Bridge a go I suppose.
The Bridge is shown on BBC4 on Saturday’s at 9PM.