words: Tomek Mossakowski
There’s NO business like SHOOOOWWW business on BRRRROOOADDDWAY – Market.
Yes, Broadway Market, the home of red-chino’d twats and Instagram. It’s all just getting a lil’ UNCOOL, isn’t it?
Case and point: the new café-CUM-bar called, err, Market Cafe. We thought we’d pop along for a pint, just the one, and guess what:
We discovered a horribly pretentious bar with no real charm. A few walls of snazzy wallpaper and some coloured lights does not – my friends – give you the right to charge a WHOPPING £4.75 for A PINT OF LAGER. Who’s running this show? A lunatic???
I was disgusted. So disgusted, in fact, that I left (right after I finished my delicious pint). (what, I love pints). (This post doesn’t get any less hypocritical).
The bar menu just looked so bloody Hackney. Sausage rolls. Ooh, blimey, where are those postcards I normally use to write home about things. I forgot, I used them up in the other 3456 eateries in E8, E9 and E10 (?) selling homemade sausage frickin’ rolls!!!
Now, I know what some of you are thinking (my mother was a telepath) but no – I am not getting my hipster on by bitchin’. Even though I look like a hipster – no question – I also wear hoodies and baggy jeans some days. Despite my long-on-top/short back ‘n’ sides, I don’t take ket on weekends and I HATE Feist.
But it’s depressing to witness another over-priced, under-lit, over-antiqued, under-genuine bar that is being bummed by not-so-local residents and their Instagram photos. It’s like someone is trying to sell me “Hackney” when I already live here, thanks.
Market Cafe is on Broadway Market, HACKNEY, E8.