UNCOOL: hayfever

Posted on June 14, 2011 by


Struggling at a party

Words: Tomek Mossakowski

Most people enjoy summer for all it’s worth; festivals, suntans, heightened sex drives. I hate these people. Why? Because I’m allergic to pollen. I wake up every morning in fear. Thick, sweet- smelling, pollenated fear. For me, summer isn’t a time of joy. It’s a time of sniffling, about once every 30 seconds, especially when trying to sleep.

Last week I went to my friend’s exhibition in the countryside. On the train I had to stand by an open window. This was the equivalent of someone spooning pollen directly into my facial holes. I arrived with a face caked in mucus and when my friend saw me he said:

‘Hey! Wow…you look like shit dude!’

This isn’t the type of entrance I like to make. I take most of the daily antihistamines, spray a lot of chemicals up my nose and am subjected to my Polish mother’s herbal, voodoo remedies. After this drug binge, I’m usually so drowsy I can’t see. My friends look at me funny for being tired all the time, but you try walking around with enough antihistamines in your blood to slay a small pony. It isn’t fun.

No one really gets it either. People think I’m just a weak sniffler, an evolutionary mistake. Last night in bed, my boyfriend punched the pillow in frustration.

‘ARGH! I can’t sleep with you sniffling every other *@!% second!’

I lay perfectly still after that, despite the small, slow trickle of snot rolling down my cheek. I wiped it on his pillow though so that felt a bit like revenge.

With my cocktail of pills and frequent face baths (splashing water all over your face helps), I’m counting down the days until summer is over. It really is that bad. One day I might just rip off my face in frustration.
At the moment I’m trying Hay Max in my War Against Pollen. It’s beeswax that you smear under your shnoz. This gets pretty addictive. (Definitely uncool: mixing up your vaseline and Hay Max). It seems to be working. I’m sneezing less and rocking up to gallery openings without a clump of wet tissue in every pocket.

Follow Tomek @tomekmoss

Follow EIC @everytingiscool

Posted in: COOL