‘Bruce Forsyth is a kind and wonderful man’ said the landlady at The Crown pub in East London. ‘ISN’T HE!’
I’d been chatting to my friend about old Bruce at the bar, moaning that nobody seems fussed whether he’s knighted or not. ‘Nah!’ interrupted a woman standing nearby. ‘I reckon the Queen thinks he’s weird!’
‘Yeah. Like a pedophile.’
As we sauntered away from this despicable woman, I realised she wasn’t the first person to say the macho-camp show host gave them the heeby jeebies. The mere mention of him used to bring my pal Shona out in hives.
So in tell-tale fashion I went on twitter to ask people what they thought of Bruce’s face.
To my surprise, the tweets came flooding in. And it turns out, everyone is scared of Bruce Forsyth.
Kirsty, 35, said ‘I’ve had nightmares. His beady peepers are inches from my own and in the morning I wake up to find a silver lock of hair on my chest.’
John, 26, said ‘he makes me memorise the chronological order of dead family members as they appear on a conveyor belt.’
Jules, 30, said: ‘you’d be blind not to see the that his silhouette looks exactly like Nosferatu’s’.
For the love of game-shows, is there anyone that doesn’t fear this household treasure?
Ah! Yes! Jim, 26, said: ‘Bruce Forsyth always reminds me of my nana. I think it’s the era rather than the face, although she does also bear a striking resemblance to the late Rod Hull, so it’s probably the face. Either way it always warms me to him (less so to Hull he was a bit mental).’
Looks like it’s just me, the landlady, Jim and Lord Grade vying for Brucey’s knighthood. The former BBC and ITV Chairman spoke out yesterday saying it is ‘shocking’ the 83-year-old only has a CBE. C-B-Shmee. Everyone knows it doesn’t matter what’s AFTER your name in showbiz. It’s BEFORE that counts. BEFOOOOOOORE!!!
Speaking of Brucie’s relationship with the word ‘before’, his name could be shortened to ‘B-For’ couldn’t it?
Let’s hope you’re on the list this year B-For! I’ll SIR-tainly be keeping my fingers crossed.